Where will this path take me?
2nd Apr 2008
I am not known for my patience. Rather I am extremely impatient! I have rolled around the thought of bypass surgery for a while. I never took it passed thinking because I figured that I was not “sick” enough. So even though I have had problems with Sleep Apena, Gastro Reflux, borderline cholesterol, high triglycerides, and in 1996 my BMI was 59.9, after using the Phen Phen drugs my BMI was 35.2 and currently it’s 47.8. For my height, ”normal” is 107 - 135 lbs. Are you freaking kidding me? With my bone structure, I would be thrilled and screaming from roof tops if I managed to get to 150 lbs.
Anyway I am afraid that once I am done with this nutrition program tha the insurance company requires ( I have 5 more appointments to make until I am done), that I will not get the referral and not be approved for the surgery. Then what do I do? Give up? Since I was 12, I have been on and off diets, health programs and exercise programs. I have been called names, picked on, poked at and been accused of trying to kill myself with food. Even after the drugs, I still was 199 lbs. Which was the lowest I had been since I was in high school.
I am so afraid that this is another thing that will not work out in my favor. OMG, what am I going to do. I can totally understand why people gain weight during this time. The stress of wondering if the insurance company will see what I have done and authorize the procedure. What am I going to do???
My PA at the PCP office told, no problem! She will write up the documents and I will be good. The nutritionist said that the insurance compay is looking for weight loss or stablized weight during this program. But I wonder what is in that file they have. OMG, that file is an inch thick and I have only had 12 visits completed (3 scheduled and as I said 5 left to schedule). What is in that darn file? Who of us that have gained and carried this much weight have not had an emotional issue of two? I am much better than I was several years ago.
I think it would be easier to go through the whole process, if the insurance company said, “OK you are approved”, unless you do not complete the following program(s). That way you would know, OK here is the list of things I need to do and if I don’t than I will be disqualified.
I am just so scared that I will never be able to escape this prison…….